She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
