Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Your penis caused this!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
