Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
