ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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