we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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