thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
