What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
