Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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