Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize