I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
