Don't you send me to vm
her vagine was all disorganized.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
