um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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