GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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