So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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