dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
