Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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