I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
