and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
