So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
