Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
