Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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