glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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