Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
