dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
