The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
