im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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