I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize