i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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