is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
