yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize