Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
