Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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