i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
