Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize