I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
