Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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