you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
