So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
