She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
