You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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