Come see our sink grown plant.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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