I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
