I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
