What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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