Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I party with great urgency now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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