Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
