So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
