"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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