Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
