I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
