I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
