the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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