Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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