HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
