I'm going to jail i love you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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