Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
