i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize