he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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