Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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