He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
