Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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