My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
