At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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