do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
