i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
