her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
