Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
