She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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