every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
