It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
