He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
