Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
