so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
