Sober January is a disaster.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
